‘m fairly sure Gingrich wasn’t proposing an open marriage in the hopes of flouting repressive traditions: He was just seeking permission to continue a moral lapse he’d grown comfortable in. His strategy of choice—popping the question over the phone at Marianne’s mother’s 84th birthday—was tasteless, to put it mildly. And not only did Gingrich ask for an open relationship retroactively, after carrying on an affair for six years, I’m willing to bet he wouldn’t have been cool with Marianne having her own dalliances, either. Newt Gingrich is by no means the poster child for healthy open marriages.

He is, however, the poster child for the messy, miserable life people can have if they’re stuffed into rules they weren’t built to follow. He’s the poster child for how our sexist and repressive culture can hurt relationships. Gingrich was raised in, and now advocates for, a world that sets up incredibly narrow parameters for sex and love, and shames people who don’t adhere to those standards. He’s also part of a culture that often gives a chuck on the chin to a straying husband (unless he’s a political opponent) while branding a female cheater with a scarlet “A”—of course he wouldn’t feel comfortable with his wife doing her own thing. Even if Gingrich were to desire an egalitarian, functional open marriage, he wouldn’t have the tools, the script, nor the cultural context to live in one openly.